Tuesday, January 06, 2004

The warm weather lifts everyone's spirits up, but for some reason I also find it a little saddening, like something's missing, like I should be missing something; it feels nostalgic. Having spent months trapped underneath the dark and depressing rain, the sun and the warmth it brings are like the hands that open up a kitten's cage. The weak animal can barely open its eyes against the harsh sunlight, which is so sudden and piercing.

When it rains here, it rains lightly and without hurry. The drizzle is continuous and frustrating, with a constant accompanying grey sky. The sky is low during those seasons, and it looks and feels suffocating, with the feeling augmented by the unrelenting rain. On many occasions I have felt the urge to stand in the middle of an open field, throw open my arms and simply scream at the top of my lungs, hoping my voice will convince the rain to fall faster. I wanted it to rain more violently and at shorter intervals. It would have been more satisfying to struggle through the sharp wind and cutting rain drops for short moments than to have to live through an unending wetness every single day.

Though the pressuring sky and dim environment did have a major effect on me, the weather was also calming. Lying in my bed alone at night, I'd listen to the rain hit my windows, and found comfort in the irregular beatings of rain drops, the soft whispering of the wind, and felt safe in my room beneath the covers. The wind can blow as hard as it wants, and the rain can fall relentlessly, but I was warm and drifting into sleep, protected by the walls, untouchable.

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